The Key to a Happy Relationship: Compromise!

It's kind of a no-brainer to say that a good, mutually satisfying relationship requires compromise, but you'd be surprised how many people don't really know what that means.

For my husband Alex and I, compromise means that neither of us will get what we want 100% of the time, maybe not even 50% of the time (depending on the situation), that we're willing to give a little to get a lot, and that we know when something is really important to the other one, and back off from our own stance about it. Let me give you some examples.

Last week I found a puppy by the side of the road. Now, we already have three dogs and two cats. And two of the dogs aren't small, weighing about seventy and a hundred pounds, respectively. We also have a two-year-old kid, I'm in school full-time, and our house is just not very big. And this puppy, being (probably) part Labrador Retriever, has the potential to get pretty big. But I really fell in love with the puppy, and so did our daughter, and, despite the inconvenience and expense and the lack of housebroken-ness and a whole lot of other good reasons not to, we're keeping the puppy. I am ecstatic, and have made Alex aware of my happiness in no uncertain terms!

Where's the compromise?

Well, up until Augustus arrived, I was seriously considering buying a piano accordion and starting lessons, a plan I have since abandoned in favor of the new dog, even though I would have preferred the puppy and the accordion and lessons. In the long run, Auggie Doggie may be cheaper, and less wear and tear on the family's nerves! Neither of us got 100% what we wanted, but neither of us are completely miserable with this decision.

Here's another example: I am a horrible parent who lets my daughter watch cartoons for a couple of hours each morning so I can get some homework, housework, and writing done. Alex had some pretty strong objections to one of the cartoons our daughter was watching. He didn't like the message it sent. Okay, fine.

It would be easy for me not to have to monitor the time so I change the channel and change it back at the correct times in the middle of my usually hectic mornings, but it's really important to him that Keely not watch this particular show, so I do it. I could care less either way, but because it matters so much to my spouse, I compromise and change to something in that time slot that we can all live with.

Compromise is not the same person always giving in to the other, and being made to feel like a doormat or a martyr in the process. This leads to resentment and a break-up of the relationship, most likely. No, compromise means both parties know when to give in a little, and give in graciously. Don't act resentful, or angry, when you compromise - it defeats the point.

But a little negotiation goes a long way, and in the long run, when you look back after years of being together, a little negotiation is definitely worth it!