Make Money NOW at Excrement, Inc.
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Your Work Hates You
Are you tired of going to work for an unappreciative boss? Do you spend half your life and most of your energy working for some company that won't remember your name next week if you were to drop dead right now? Would you like to pay off your mortgage in full? Hell, would you just like to just have a mortgage instead of paying rent? Do you care about kittens?
Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions, you might want to look at Excrement, Inc. and the exciting opportunities we have to offer you.
Excrement, Inc. specializes in total crap. We manufacture, package and distribute nothing but crap. Crap is our motto, method and means. We are crap specialists and we have a load of crap for you!
If you act now, you can become an affiliate of Excrement, Inc. and learn how to sell our crap over the Internet in a variety of ways. We will train you at no cost to become a master crap merchant with an income that is only limited by how much crap you can push out. All you have to do is click HERE and your life as a crap merchant can begin.
Need More Info???
Well, if that's not enough to get you to check it out, look at all the things you can do for yourself and the world around you through marketing all this crap. You can:
- Save babies
- Save puppies
- Save kittens
- Save the world
- Become rich
- Increase sexual desirability
- Gain the respect of world leaders
- And even receive personal emails from God.
Who wouldn't want to do and have all this? I'm fairly sure you would!!! So act now before it's too late. The Internet will only support so much crap. Don't let your chance slip away. CLICK HERE NOW.
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Baby Booties Crochet Patterns Book Blankets Afghans NEW
Current Bid: $3.99
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Heirloom Crochet Patterns Baby Booties~Thread~Pattern
Current Bid: $4.25
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BABY DRESS BOOTIES BONNETS PATTERNS CROCHET MARY JANES
Current Bid: $4.24
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The Skeptical Type, Eh?
Fine, if you still need more proof, here's a few more details on how it works. Check this out:
Save Babies
As a crap master, you will save small babies from horrible lives. Right now, over five thousand babies meet horrible fates at the hands of evil, horribleness every day. As a member of Excrement, Inc. your crap enterprise will save all babies from suffering horribly forever.
Save Puppies
Something is going on in third-world animal shelters right now that just makes us at Excrement, Inc. sick. Puppy malts. That's right, you read it right: Puppy malts. Currently there are sixty-four restaurant chains specializing in puppy shakes, malts and daiquiris around the world and we at Excrement, Inc. feel that this is an abomination and promise that if you purchase the start up package as a tier 1 crap merchant, we will look into this puppy problem eventually.
Save Kittens
By becoming a level two affiliate at Excrement, Inc. we will work together with Paws Across the World to save kittens in every way possible. All kittens will become cuter and their sweet little mews will squeak happily with your name if you buy into our crap.
Save the World
As most of you know, cows produce methane gas. This is often associated with crap. Now while we at Excrement, Inc. have nothing to do with cows in any way at all, we recognize that you should recognize the obvious connection to cows provided by your participation in Excrement, Inc. Given the dangers of global warming, it is clear how your investment into your future at Excrement, Inc. is obvious.
Increased sexual desirability
It is a proven fact that our affiliates are so successful that their self esteem begins to swell inside them like a germinating seed of glory. The joy of being part of Excrement, Inc. is such that as your life becomes increasingly full of crap, your inner beauty cannot help but burgeon, manifesting itself from within by swelling your anatomy in perfect sexual ways. Women see bust size increases of up to eight cup sizes and men frequently complain about giant pecks, rippling abs and having to lower their toilets by as much as eleven feet. Such is the power of crap!
Gain the respect of world leaders
Everyone knows that politicians love crap more than anyone else. Crap is their livelihood. As a crap master yourself, you will plop down amongst the privileged of the world, veritable crap ninjas with powers you can't even imagine until you have bought your level four crap kit from Excrement, Inc.
Emails from God
What else do we need to say? If this is even possible, it's worth a click HERE.
- Click here to go to the Excrement, Inc. Homepage
Your link to happiness is a click away. (seriously, click it, it's half the fun)
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Comments
Of course, you're affiliate link will be sent to you soon. Did you know they're offering a free t-shirt for an additional $9.00? Check it out on the homepage!
:)
Hummmm... T-shirt!? I don´t know... right now I only need toilet tissue, have some? :D LOL
You have to be a level 4 affiliate to get that, Funride. Dare to commit!
Please sign me up for this IMMEDIATELY as I want to increase the sexual desirablity of puppies while gaining the respect of world leaders. Thank you. You ARE God!
I've got a slight suspicion that this is a scam. I've visited the sales page, and
*** There's no call for me to take action now.
**** The number of places aren't limited.
And - most suspiciously - the price doesn't increase forever in 11 hours and 7 minutes.
Otherwise, It looks pretty good.
Eric,
We at Excrement, Inc. are far too clever for such obvious tactics until such time as we require them.
I about peed my pants when I got to the part about the puppy shakes. Now I have to sign up! I won't be able to sleep now, thinking about those puppies (because I'll be laughing.)
Sign me up!!
I'm more than eager to join your marvelous program.....
I do believe in my heart that crap is what make the world go around...Trillions of tons of crap have been dumped by all living things since the creation of Earth. It is absolutely important to maintain the cycle of life on Earth.
Crap is what make the tree and plants grows nicely, to be eaten by cows, and in return we can make juicy steak from that cow...not forgetting we repay the Mother Nature by giving out our own crap....ohhh...what a lovely spirit of giving.
Lastly and importantly, we should be proud and thankful that our body is made from the crap of our ancestors....!!!!
Pgrundy, you're probably sipping one of those tasty shakes right now I bet.
And Bali, you couldn't be more right. When someone tells you you are full of crap, smile and say, "Damn right I am!"
Sign me up! Ummmm ... we -are- talking certified pure organic crap, right?
We have an entire division dedicated to organic crap, Marian. Visit our homepage to learn more about exciting Excrement, Inc. organic poo poo products and services.
man...that is brilliant
Funnebone,
Excrement, Inc. appreciates all comments and believes that attitudes like yours make for perfect Excrement, Inc. affiliates. Join now!
Increase my sexual desirability and receive personal emails from God...at the same time? Sign me up. I love crap!
It's hard to deny the appeal of a program like this, isn't it, Stacie. Your application will be processed as soon as it comes in. For an additional $9.00 we can also expedite your order through our Excrement, Inc. Application Expediting service. Thanks for stopping by.
I signed up on the home page, but I'm wondering if there'll be any problems shipping my Excrement, Inc. kit across the border to me. Will the customs people get suspicious and think something stinks about it?
In our experience, Shirley, customs agents process our products more quickly than most. We're not sure why, but we believe it is out of respect and brand recognition.
Whew! That's a load off!
ROFLMAO ur bad!
President Bush must be a full fledged member. I hear about his crap all the time. In fact, without going out on a limb, I believe he may be the crappiest pres ever! He is just brimming with crap! So much, it seems to come out of his mouth when he opens it! (Does he recieve residuals?)
Well, Akeejaho, we're not able to discuss just who our clients are without their express written permission, but let's just say you don't have to open the outhouse door to know what's down in the hole.
Shadesbreath! Are there going to be duty charges for the crap coming into Canada? Also I'm worried, in my experience great products like this are in danger of going missing when being mailed...could you please send my kit with extra insurance? Please? Cost is no object.
Hope to hear from you soon, well on my way of getting rich fast, I remain Zsuzsy
uuuuunnnh plop!
Just thought I'd Drop by.
Yes, Zsuzy value like ours is precious. We do have insurance available:
Shipping tier 1 - GUARANTEED SHIPPING - $15.99 gets you gauranteed shipping in which we gaurantee to ship your product for sure.
Shipping tier 2 - GUARANTEED OVERNIGHT - $59.99 gets you gauranteed overnight delivery, which promises that your product will arrive on the day following a night or your money is returned to our holding account until your shipment finally arrives.
Shipping tier 3 - GUARANTEED SAME DAY DELIVERY- Our premier service! For $119.95 your order is guaranteed to be delivered the same day you receive it. No questions asked. If you do not get your shipment on the day you receive it, you will be automatically upgraded to the next Program level above what you purchased. This is our promise to you.
Oh, and DJ, careful where you plop man, we just cleaned the carpets.
Shipping tier 3 - GUARANTEED SAME DAY DELIVERY- Our premier service! For $119.95 your order is guaranteed to be delivered the same day you receive it. No questions asked. If you do not get your shipment on the day you receive it, you will be automatically upgraded to the next Program level above what you purchased. This is our promise to you.
Sounds promising....I think...zs
Your title to this hub nearly turned me away. But I was seriously cramping when I got to the part about "increased sexual disirability" and was in tears from laughter by the time I got to "gain the respect of world leaders"!!!
POLF (paralyzed on floor laughing)! I fell of my chair, man! I laughed so hard, it was embrassing.
Terence, there is no higher praise to the humorists ears (or eyes) than that. Thank you.
Methinks politicians are top-level Excrement, Inc. affiliates--perhaps even among founding members of the company. *ROTFLMAO* Thank you so much for tickling my funny bone with this!
how you guys monetize crap??? this is marvelous
-mm crap-burgers?, yummy, 45 million flies can´t all be wrong, i´m getting horny
-crap-cookies, hidden in the new firefox browser? mm, i get the munchies just thinking about it
-crap ad-sense, mmmmm..
sign me up!!please, i´ll quit my google CEO position, this sounds even better, though i had mails from God day in day out;), he´s spamming me with promises of a longer penis and paradise and blah blahlah
where do i send my Cv?
thanks dude.
LMFAO! Oh, no! I can't do that! No more crap, have to get a bag. (Bad, bad me!)
All this crap is a real gas, man! Is crap an acronym? Caring, Reliable, Attentive Proffessionals, maybe? This is a truly excremental idea! My check is enclosed, along with the extra 9 bucks for the t-shirt. I am also opting for shipping tier 2!
Sign me up. I knew there was an affiliate program for me some where. :)
Pagan, you're welcome , thanks for sharing in the fun.
Joe, I love the Firefox cookies idea! That will be submitted to management. (Speaking of which, actually had a chocolate add on one of these two Excrement, Inc. pages. Was hilarious).
Lily, u don't need a bag, go to the homepage and buy the mitts!
RmR, that's precisely the way we feel crap breaks down, it's definately not Caught Robbing Affiliate's Pockets, that's for sure. No way. Whoever said that one was just a rabble rouser!
Yes, Mark, some programs are just too good to pass up. I recognized you right off as a man who can spot value when you see it.
Hmmm...it's a joke...If my English was very poor, I will be puzzled with this crap Inc.
But Ronald, it's so fun!
My mistake was I did not read the tags. In the beginning I thought it was real! Good effort.
I'm glad you came by, Ronald, thanks. :)
Hey, no offense. You did no wrong. I think I need to boost up my English here. Anyone want to teach me? Haha...
Ronald, Excrement, Inc. has a book titled "Learn Crap about English" that sells for only $19.95. We recommend it highly!!!
Alright, I'll buy one with crap money!
While we specialize in crap, Ronald, we do insist that you conduct all commerce with Excrement, Inc. in actual currency.
(lol)
Great hub! You should take a page from the televangelists' playbook and get into the Holy Crap industry too :)
Oh, don't think ideas like that aren't going to exploited by Excrement, Inc. for the third crappy hub in this series one day!
(and thanks :)
Due to very strict quarantine laws in my country, crap must be able to withstand unknown periods of solitude in a caged environment. Crap must be of the highest standard to mix with the purest forms known in our country - Aussie crap is well known to be the most pure untainted form but is however highly influenced by foreign microbes.
I am suspicious of this crap site. Is it a spoof of the Crap homesite where I am (ehm) somewhat entrenched! Letters from God? Tsk Tsk as a good friend of Gabe I can find no evidence to support this claim. Anyhow all trumpeting rights rest with Gabe! He even out-trumps Donald. But that is another card game and a crap shoot is really just loading the dice!
Long live the regular (sic) Crap site!
As for Puppy shakes are you not confusing that with hotdogs or do you get a puppy shake free with a Hot dog? Or an I confused I do speak englisch pretty good!
Jewels it is a well known fact that Aussie crap is amongst the most aromatic in the world, and I understand you folks have heaps of it. Dare to tap into the potential profits!
Sixty, the beauty of a puppy shake is that it IS your hotdog AND your shake, all in one.
Yip yip rowf grrrrrrrrr spryte grrrrrrr woof...*drool*
Translation: I was shaken once...but I promised spryte I'd never tell anyone.
Arf arf yip woof grrrrrrrrrrrr spryte grrrrrrrrrrrr...
Translation: I'm pretty sure that spryte wasn't in it for the crap...just my chartreuse ninja suit.
Woof, woof arf yip yip yip yip yip...err...yip.....
Translation: When I manage to sneak across the border...err...again...
Arf, arf, arf yip woof....grrrr spryte grrrr...por favor
Translation: I will make it a point to hook up with you again...just don't tell spryte...please.
Nacho Dog
Nacho, stay where you are. Excrement, Inc. is global. We can take your money from anywhere.. I mean, can do business with you from anywhere. I think you are totally correct about the chartreuse suit; it's probably not safe for you to come back. Spryte is likely lurking near the border waiting to jump you and take it. Stay put. That's my advice.
Grrrrrracias
Translation: Thank you
Seems that God has closed his limited offer too early!
The link doesn't work!
Oh, that. Well, Eugie, he changes them up frequently so he doesn't get spammed all the time. You have no idea how many people are trying to sell God stuff.
Not to mention the universe stuff! The competition is just getting stiffer.
The bar just keeps getting raised.
Maybe we should just publish these hubs which inter-relate with comments as "Serious Humour from the Hubpages" subtitle "a cross cultural mix of Australian, American,British and other humour". Any takers to publish? Then we could share royalties from the book sales and attract outsiders into the hubpages. hows that for a marketing ploy?
Sixty, if you can pull it off, I'm totally with you. We can all retire on a beach somewhere and drink too much while bikini clad cabana girls fetch us food and rub lotion on our backs.
Toss in a cabana boy and I'm in...no wait...I don't need a cabana boy, I'll have all you guys there! Silly me. Oh...and I'll take a pina colada while you are up Shade...
/flee
I'll have one of the bikini girls grab that lol.
I can feel the sun on my face already. what a way to go!
Well, all I can say is that the number of replies you have here is testimony to just how many CR** Hubbers there are on this site. LOL Joking of course....don't linch me!
@ Louie Jerome.
If you're silly enough to take part in this thread, you're fair fame to be linched, lynched, drawn, quartered, dismembered, dehydrated, shaken, and stirred.
And de-crapped
So be warned!
@ Spryte.
Festering Toes? Boils?
My mental image of you (based on your picture which reminds me of Felicity Kendall in The Good Life - which is no doubt what you intended - and this could well be the longest bracketed aside on hubpages - or indeed EVER) -is TOTALLY destroyed.
Sixty, I can't feel the sun on my face yet, so you need to get cracking on the project. Stay focused!
Louie, Eric is right. Once you jump into the excrement here, you are subject to its nature, which includes everything on Eric's list plus vigorous pummice treatments on your elbows, knees and feet. I'm not sure why he left those off, but yes, that too.
Eric...
I happened to speak to Foo just the other day and she said that while she appreciates your appreciation of her appreciable talents...stalking her at the local laundromat is a bit creepy.
As for that whole business about my feet...well...
*leans in and whispers confidentially*
It's called THERAPY. *nods seriously* Podophilia isn't pretty...but I believe that with strong discouragement, Shadesbreath could one day have a normal...uh, okay maybe normal is too optimistic a word here...but mark my words, you'll be grateful that I took the time to save everyone's toes.
Why is it that we seem to have a finger and toe phobia! Agrodonkey is not even around to promote the idea. Podophelia indeed. I am now scared of my podiatrist who knows what she is going to do to my toenails. Thank goodnes she doesn't read hubs. mind you with some of the atavars around who knows!
hehehe...judging from that statement you have yet to see marisue's "what to do with toenails" hub :) Definitey a gross out!
Hah, I haven't seen that. I must go find it.
Hi All
I have read Marisues hub and it was wierd how I made this remark and shortly afterwards read Marisues hub. Is a collective conciousness possible? Bee bo Bee Po bring on the X-files Scully and Mulder reign supreme. Any room for alien crap?
Since I'm of the opinion that good ideas float randomly around in the air waiting to be caught...it is possible that the two of you made a grab for the same muse at the same time. Or at least you both caught the toe portion of the muse...
I'm pretty sure anything is possible, collective consciousness included. I can't wait to see the X-files movie. I loved that show, plus I love hot redheads, so, double bonus.
Sprtye, you have to be careful of grabbing the toe of a muse. They hate if you scratch off part of the little scenes they get painted on there and they inspire you with really bad stories. Get a firm grip or get no grip at all. That's all I'm saying.
Hey Shades,
Have you seen this site?
You've got competition!
G.F.E. has been caught with their pants down !!!
http://www.poopsenders.com/
(or for the less politically correct - http://www.shitsenders.com )
[private to BT Evilpants mode = ON]
Hey BT - hope he doesn't discover that this is our site, and we're skimming millions off the top of GFE sales :-))) ]
[private to BT Evilpants mode = OFF]
Hah, yeah. That site was on TV not too long ago, or one like it. It's a pretty awesome idea if you stink about it.
Aah Eric awakes! I thought you had gone away Sir. Some of the Jackalope feuds await you and you need to defend yourself.
Just checking in, to see what's new. Pay no attention to the Jackalope. *whistles innocently*
[private to EG mode=ON] Eric, I see you have added a picture of this Mighty Hunter character to our website. But who is that standing over him? [private to EG mode =OFF]
@BT
Well actually it's the rear end of the very rare Jackalopus Giganticus.
Saw it out by the old butter factory.
@ sixtyorso:
No, not gone awqay. Just resting after a long squawk.
Defend myself against a jackalope?
Surely you jest.
Now why would I be threatening my new business partner? I'm sure there must be a misunderstanding. Besides, I currently have bigger fish to fry.
Poopery Inc. should be the Global name...
Hilarious!
Hub On Dude!
Actually, Nyt, that is a genius suggestion! In fact, we at Excrement, Inc. have been looking for a name for our new division making potpourri and a line of airfresheners. We may just use that. Thanks!!!
Dont you mean Poo porridge?
That's in our breakfast foods line, Sixty; marketed under the brand name Kel-LOGs and with the product name Quaker Floats. Different division, but, yes the names are similar.
This organization is full of crap. After reading both sites, I'm pooped. Your scatalogical expertise is number 2 to nobody, sir! At first I poo-pooed the whole philosopy, but now I see that compared to other businesses, yours is a different feces. What did I do, do you think? Why I took the Hershey highway to the bank and transferred my money to you. For the jumbo package! This is just what I need to get off the toilet and make something of my life. I have been out of work, you see. I worked at the bakery but was fired because I pinched a loaf. And then the furniture factory, let go because I dropped a stool. I anxiously await the delivery of the program.
I don't want two ply you with questions as to how you pushed out so many poo puns, so I'll just say thanks and I'm glad you are sending some cash. lol
working
funride says:
2 months ago
Hi, could you please forward God´s e-mail for me? I have some questions for Him that I would like to get answered.
BTW, I´m happy to be the first affiliate. Will I get paid for bringing more people like me? If yes, please give me my affiliate link...
Wait... it has already started. I have to go to the toilet :D