Chronicles of a New York Subway Vol. 5

(New rule, if you read this, please comment. If you really dont want to comment, just leave the number "1", I just want to see how many ppl I have reading)

Friends. How many of us have them? Friends, we can depend on.

(Obama Voice) Friends . . . .We Can Believe In?

Well, I have friends. Even though Im not from New York, and I was not raised here, and this is the first time i spent more than 3 days here, without all three of them including a trip to times square, I have friends.

How do i know i have friends?

Because I ride the subway. Yes, I have the infamous travel buddy.

The Subway friend.

He's a good friend. I've known him forever, since I got on at the 52nd and Lexington stop.

And where am I now?

the 47th and Lexington Stop.

That's practically an eternity.

This guy would leave his first born son to my care without a whim.

Well, thats cool an all, but uhh....

Im sitting with my hand in my pocket on my wallet, and my MP3 player is uncomfortably low, as I try to stay at least a foot and a half away from this strange bearded man who smells like the essence of corn chips and a day old burger.

but he has so much to say. He feels like I know who he is.

I dont.

This is one of those teenage moments you have with your parents. When they are talking and you are having a totally different conversation with youself DURING your parent's lecture

**********************************

Parent: "AND listen, I told you that you need to keep your room clean?!?

[Your mind] : Why wont they just leave me alone? Everything is on the floor cuz when its on the floor, I know where everything is. Its not even their room?

Parent: "And take out the trash once in a while. You KNOW it needs to go out, why do I have to keep telling you to take out the trash?

[Your mind] Well, YOU know it needs to go out too, and your doing the same thing as me, waiting for someone else to take out the trash

***********************************

It was something like that. My new subway buddy is chatting it up, while I am on a totally different level, and trying my damndest not to get close enough for any of the dirt he has worked hard at caking up on himself to magically jump off onto my pressed shirt.

subway buddy: You know the weather is really nice out there

"Me: Yeah, the weather is great

[Thinking] weather? Why dont you go stand in the rain and handle that mold growing on your body

subway buddy: I have lived in new york for years, and it has never been such a hot summer

Me: Hot. . .yeah.

[Thinking] Do you really think i give a @#$# about historical new york weather patterns? And Quit Ex foliating with Doritos!! its not sexy.

Subway buddy leans in close, as if to tell me a secret

I lean out and look at him with the wrath of God in my face

Subway buddy: Listen, there are some crazy people on the subway. You gotta watch yourself down here.

. . . . .

Oh H*** naw. I know Captain Tostido's did NOT just give ME advice about the crazy people on the subway. Crazy people must really not know they are crazy. I couldn't really expect this guy to know anything. How could he possibly know enough to advise me to stay away from crazy people, and he couldn't advise himself to make some Old Spice happen or something??!?!

As this man seemed like his Eau De Corn Chips pour Homme was getting stronger and stronger by the second, he decided to elaborate on his experiences in life.

I tried to look disinterested. I started replying with dry "umm hmm's" and uninterested "yeah's", and then I just got down right rude, and didnt say anything, but subway buddy continued to project knowledge and Frito-Lay inspiration upon me.

I looked at the subway map. 4 stops to go.

"Listen, you gotta stay safe out here. You never know what people will do"

3 stops as my eyes water from the fumes coming from him.

"America is such a great place to be. Im going to Vote. Do you vote?"

2 stops as I hope my nose gets stuffy so the smell can stop surprising me

"Fritos are the best damn chips on God's green earth, I tell ya. The best!"

1 stop. Everything takes longer when you know its close.

"Young people these days, ya got no values., Nooo values"

the train stops, I get up, slowly.

He notices that I rose, and says something.

I missed it, because I turned up my MP3 player, and took two swift steps to the opposite side of the train to avoid the Fiesta style Frito's smell from choking me out.

Who does this guy think he is? The Dali Llama? Confucius? Hell, at least Ms. Cleo.

*sigh*

I dont think I'll ever eat another frito.

.....

nope.